Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM)

A MIAM is an individual meeting, normally lasting around 45 minutes to an hour, with an authorised family mediator. The mediator explains the options available for resolving disagreements about children, property or finances. In a child arrangements case, the focus should stay on what gives your child safety, stability, security and a meaningful relationship with each parent, where that is appropriate.

The assessment part matters. The mediator will ask about your situation, the issues in dispute, your communication with the other parent, and any concerns about safety, abuse, coercive control, substance misuse, mental health or risk to a child. They are deciding whether mediation is suitable — not deciding who is right.

You attend separately from the other parent at this stage. The mediator is not a messenger and will not simply pass on everything you say. They will explain confidentiality and the limited circumstances in which information may need to be shared, such as a serious safeguarding concern.

A MIAM does not force you into mediation. Equally, declining mediation because you are angry, hurt or convinced the other parent is being unreasonable may not be enough to avoid the requirement. The question is whether a safe and productive process is realistically possible.

You will need your MIAM certificate to upload to your Child Arrangements Application.

The Family Court is not there to referee every disagreement between separated parents. It expects adults, where safe and possible, to try to resolve issues outside court. That is not because your concerns are unimportant. It is because proceedings can take months, cost money, increase conflict and leave parents with less control over the outcome.

Mediation can work well where both parents can negotiate, even if they do not get on. A trained mediator can help you discuss where a child stays, handovers, school holidays, phone contact and how you will communicate. Some mediations happen with parents in separate rooms or online, so face-to-face contact is not always required.

But mediation is not suitable for every family. Where there has been domestic abuse, controlling behaviour, intimidation, significant safeguarding risk or a serious power imbalance, a court application or another route may be more appropriate. A good mediator should say so rather than pressuring either parent to continue.

The appointment is usually straightforward. You will be asked to explain, in your own words, what has happened and what you need help with. You do not need a perfect chronology, a solicitor, or a folder of every message you have ever received.

It helps to arrive able to explain three things clearly: the current arrangements for your child, the specific problem that needs resolving, and any safety or welfare concerns. For example: “My daughter has not stayed overnight with her father for four months, and he is asking to restart contact immediately. I am concerned because she has witnessed repeated arguments at handovers.” That gives the mediator something concrete to assess.

The mediator will explain the possible routes forward — joint sessions, shuttle mediation where you stay separate, child-inclusive mediation in suitable cases, collaborative approaches, solicitor negotiation, or an application to court. They may also explain the likely cost and whether legal aid is available.

In most Child Arrangements cases, yes. If you are applying for a court order using form C100, you will normally need to show that you attended a MIAM or that you qualify for an exemption. The authorised mediator records the relevant confirmation where attendance has taken place.

The requirement applies to the person making the application. The other parent will usually be invited to contact the mediator too, but you cannot make them engage. If they refuse, do not reply, or the mediator decides mediation is unsuitable, you may still be able to proceed with your C100 application.

An attempt at a MIAM is mandatory, even if you know your ex-partner will not turn up. You cannot bypass this on the C100 application unless you are exempt. Equally, do not assume that attending a MIAM means you have agreed to mediate — those are separate decisions.

There are recognised exemptions, but they are not a box-ticking exercise. Common reasons can include evidence of domestic abuse, child protection concerns, urgency, a risk of harm to a child, certain previous family proceedings, or a recent MIAM attendance. The rules contain particular conditions, and some exemptions require supporting evidence.

Urgency is often misunderstood. Wanting a quick hearing is not necessarily urgent in the court’s sense. Urgency is more likely where there is an immediate risk — a child at risk of harm, at risk of being removed from the country, or a serious safeguarding situation requiring swift judicial action.

If domestic abuse or coercive control is part of your case, tell the mediator plainly. You do not have to minimise it to appear cooperative. If you are relying on an exemption in a C100, understand what evidence is required and keep copies of anything you submit — the court can question an exemption that is unclear or unsupported.

• ✓Find an FMC-accredited mediator (Family Mediation Council register).
• ✓Check whether you qualify for Legal Aid — if you do, the MIAM is free, and so is the first joint session.
• ✓Book your individual MIAM appointment (in person, by phone, or by video).
• ✓Bring photo ID and any relevant paperwork about your children.
• ✓Ask the mediator to issue the signed MIAM certificate once attended.

You do not need a court bundle for a MIAM. Turning up with hundreds of screenshots can make it harder to explain the real issue. Take a short set of notes instead.

Write down your child’s age, current routine, the proposed arrangements, and the main points of disagreement. Note the dates that matter, such as when contact stopped or when an incident occurred. If there are safeguarding concerns, bring key documents that support them — police reference numbers, relevant medical information, social services involvement or protective orders.

Think ahead about what a workable arrangement would look like. “I want what is best for my child” is a genuine aim, but it is not yet a proposal. Could contact begin with daytime time? Are neutral handovers needed? Does your child’s school routine need protecting? Could a parenting communication app reduce conflict? You may not agree to anything at the MIAM, but practical thinking shows you are focused on your child rather than scoring points.

If both parents are willing and mediation is suitable, you may move into mediation sessions. Anything agreed can be written up as a Memorandum of Understanding and, if needed, turned into a Consent Order — far cheaper and far less stressful than a contested hearing. A Consent Order will only go ahead if absolutely EVERYTHING is agreed.

If mediation is unsuitable, one parent will not engage, or no agreement is reached, the mediator gives you the MIAM certificate needed to support the next stage of a C100 application. That does not guarantee a court order, but it lets the application move forward.

Once a C100 is issued, CAFCASS safeguarding checks and the first hearing process may follow. That is why it is worth treating the MIAM as an early chance to organise your thinking: the facts and concerns you describe should be consistent, proportionate and centred on your child’s welfare from the start.

You do not have to like the MIAM process to use it well. Go in calm, be truthful about safety, keep your child at the centre, and leave knowing what your next step is. That is how you begin replacing panic with a plan.

If mediation does not resolve things and you are heading to court without a solicitor, a McKenzie Friend can sit with you, help you prepare and keep you steady. See also McKenzie Friend vs Solicitor.